The American Journal of Family Therapy found out that couples in the US are more likely to talk about infidelity, rather than reveal how they deal with Money and have a conversation to express their feelings around financial matters.
For knowing and working with people in many different countries and continents, I assure you that it is not only true in the US!
How come it is so hard for couples to talk about Money?
The way we feel, think and deal with Money is hardwired in our brains during our childhood, way before we can understand and realise what the consequences are. We learn from parents, siblings, family friends ... Everyone who gravitates around us during our childhood turns out to play a significant role in the way we perceive and interact with Money.
Over the years, our beliefs, feelings and behaviours related to Money get reinforced. As an adult, when our partner says or does something triggering a pattern which was set when we were children, we often respond very instinctively, in a way we cannot really explain.
So how can we have a healthy Money conversation?
Here are 5 of the "top tips" to have a healthy conversation about money :
If you find that this advice is not effective, Money coaching, Couples coaching or even Therapy could be very useful.
One last word ... Remember to be gentle with each other.
If your partner reacts when you discuss Money, it is not about you as a person or even because of the current situation. Remember the beginning of the post when I wrote that sometimes a pattern which was set when we were children gets triggered and we respond in a way we cannot really explain? The same thing is happening with your partner if he or she reacts!
Start to listen and identify your feelings at the time you are reacting. If you struggle with labelling emotions and putting words on your feelings, you may want to attend one of our Money Conversation Café. Once you are capable of identifying the emotions and tendencies which are running the show when Money is concerned, you will also eventually start to separate emotions and feelings from the present situation.
This awareness will help you identify what is truly going on, and instead of blaming your current money situation (or your partner) you will find the words to express yourself and communicate in a healthier way around Money with your partner. Progess starts with a first step, and Money does not have to remain a taboo!