Is Money the ultimate taboo?

The American Journal of Family Therapy found out that couples in the United States are more keen to talk about infidelity, rather than reveal how they deal with Money and have a conversation to express their feelings around financial matters.

And for knowing people in many different countries, it is not only true in the US!

Have you noticed that it is usually easier to talk about sex with your partner then it is to express how you feel about Money? 

How come it is so hard to talk about Money?

The way we feel, think and deal with Money is hardwired in our brains during our childhood , way before we can understand and realise what the consequences are. We learn from parents, siblings, family friends ... everyone who turns out to be significant for us in our early years.

Over the years, our beliefs, feelings and behaviours related to Money get reinforced. And as an adult, when our partner says or does something triggering a pattern which was set when we were children, we often respond in a way we cannot really explain.

So how can we have a healthy Money conversation?

Here are 5 of the "top tips" to have a healthy conversation about money :

1. Identify the moment, conversation  and circumstance pushing you to react

2. Check which emotions and feelings are coming up. If you struggle here, take a Money quiz  and discover the archetypes driving your money related behaviours

3. Develop and use active listening

4. Stay away from the urge "blame and shame", which deepens the gap between partners instead of closing it

5. Choose a suitable time and place to have such conversation (make sure it is not the first or the last thing you do in the day)

If you find that this advice is not effective, Money coaching, Couples coaching or even Therapy could be very useful.

One last word ... Remember to be gentle with each other.

If your partner reacts when you discuss Money, it is not about you as a person or even because of the current situation. Remember the beginning of the post when I wrote that sometimes a pattern which was set when we were children gets triggered and we respond in a way we cannot really explain? The same thing is happening with your partner!

Start to listen and identify your feelings at the time you are reacting. If you struggle with labelling emotions and putting words on your feelings, you may want to attend one of our Money Conversation Café. Once you are capable of identifying the emotions and tendencies which are running the show when Money is concerned, you will also eventually start to separate emotions and feelings from the present situation. 

This awareness will help you to identify what is truly going on, and instead of blaming your current money situation or your partner you will find the words to express yourself and communicate in a healthier way around Money with your partner.