Today, I feel social media is full of "influencer" posts about positivity and inspirational quotes from business owners about not allowing negative thoughts to get to you, about surrounding yourself with only supportive people and about focusing on the positive rather than the negative experiences.

Easy ... Be positive and money will follow!

If you are a real human being, you will know deep inside that it is simply unrealistic. We all have good and dad days, ups and downs, and from experience aiming for something absolutely unrealistic is just akin to planting today the seeds of disappointment. Seeds which will eventually grow and bring something bigger than if we had dealt with it in the first place. It is also a recipe for never growing or truly learning who you are. If you constantly avoid difficult experiences and let the Innocent archetype dominate, you are likely to remain emotionally weak. Our "ugly" or dark parts are where change can occur. As Pema Chodron wrote :

Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear... are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we're holding back. They're like messengers that tell us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we're stuck.

Many emotions serve as flags indicating a learning opportunity. Our financial circumstances can lead us to experience a sense of sorrow, discomfort, or conflict. We can decide to bypass or explore and accept those parts of ourselves that society by and large pushes us hide or stay away from. However, unless we are willing to face the truth and name it, we are doomed to see the past repeating itself again and again.

Painful or uncomfortable financial experiences enable us to grow past our current emotional states if we are ready and willing to do so. This is why I respect so much people who approach me for the first time, no matter if they actually end up becoming clients or not.

You see, people don't come to Money Coaching because everything in their financial lives is perfect. They do because they are stuck in a pattern of emotions and behaviours they cannot seem to break free from. They are usually very smart, educated and very capable : they know what they "should rationally be doing" but something unconscious is pushing to do something else, that ends up becoming detrimental after a while. They also realize that, as much as friends and loved ones can help a bit and be supportive ... sometimes, we simply need someone unbiased and less emotionally attached, to help us see what we are running from and challenge us to face what we are unwilling to feel.

It takes real courage to stop pretending you have it all together especially if you are externally successful and responsible for a business, your family and indirectly for the family of your employees.

Being human means facing suffering, not avoiding it at all cost. There is no light without dark, no happiness without sadness, no good without bad. Sure we can run from certain emotions by staying busy, expressing fake positivity, or abusing mood-altering substances. It is a short term relief, but what about the longer term?

Next time Money makes you feel angry, fearful, or powerless, I challenge you to pause, notice the feeling in your body and place a hand on the spot (chest, stomach throat for example)  where the emotion seems to reside. It's also important that you name and "own your feelings" because, like it or not, it is part of you. No one can make anyone feel any particular way. It may seem like someone else is triggering you, but the source of discomfort is always within you. Blaming your anger or resentment on someone else or an external situation is a very easy way to bypass your inner work.

It is an easy thing to say "be yourself" on social media, but quite another thing to know who you truly are. How can you be yourself if you do not know that self? Money coaching is all about bringing people from where they are at today in their relationship with Money, towards where they want to be. But how can you know where you want to go and where you want to b in your relationship with Money if you do not where you are at right now, and what led you to be financially where you are at? Self-knowledge is key to identify what is holding you back. With so much information for free, available on internet, knowledge is not really the issue in most cases. My aim is that everyone who attend one of our events start getting a sense of "why they do what they do with their money" and let them decide what to do with this piece of information.